Self- Care that works ( Especially when you are carrying too much)
We’re often told to “take care of ourselves.” But what does that even mean when life is already full of pressure, people’s needs, deadlines, complicated relationships, emotional weight?
For some, self-care feels like a luxury. For others, it’s confusing or unfamiliar. Especially if you’re used to holding everything together for everyone else.
But real self-care isn’t a reward for burning out. It’s a way of being in relationship with yourself ,especially when you feel disconnected, overwhelmed, or unsure where to even begin.
When You Struggle to Say What You Need
If you’ve spent years putting other people’s needs first — in your family, your relationships, or your job, it might feel unnatural to check in with your own. This can be especially true in caring roles, or when you’ve had to grow up quickly.
You might not even know what your needs are, or feel guilty for having them.
That doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means your body and mind have adapted to survive — maybe by staying quiet, keeping the peace, or appearing strong. But long-term, that can lead to stress, anxiety, low self-worth, and a deep sense of loneliness.
Self-care might start with something really small:
What do I need right now?”
What am I pretending is fine when it really isn’t?”
This isn’t about becoming selfish. It’s about learning how to be in honest communication with yourself — and over time, with others too.
When Relationships Feel Like Work
It’s common to find relationships draining when communication hasn’t always felt safe. Maybe you struggle to trust people fully. Or you feel distant from your partner. Or stuck in the same loop, wanting connection, then pulling away when it gets too much.
For some people, being around others can be overstimulating or exhausting ,whether you are neurotypical or even more so, neurodivergent. You might overthink every conversation or feel unsure how to express what’s going on inside.
Self-care here isn’t about fixing the relationship straight away. It’s about creating space for your own truth.
Asking yourself:
“What am I not saying?”
“What’s the story I tell myself when someone pulls away or gets upset?”
“Where do I go — in my head, in my body — when I feel unsafe?”
Healthy communication starts with self-awareness. And you don’t have to get it perfect. You just have to get honest.
When You're Supporting a Parent / others (and Quietly Falling Apart)
Caring for a parent — especially one who’s ill — can bring up old family dynamics, unspoken emotions, and huge amounts of emotional labour. You might feel like you can’t afford to fall apart, or that you need to be the “strong one” for everyone else.
And yet, you’re also grieving. Grieving the change. Grieving the roles you used to play. Grieving the fact that no one’s asking how you are.
Self-care here might be messy and imperfect. It might look like letting a friend in, even slightly. Or stepping out of the room to cry. Or saying, just once: “This is hard for me too.”
You don’t have to abandon yourself to care for someone else. You can hold both.
When Work Leaves You Drained
If your work environment is full of tension, poor boundaries, or ongoing conflict, it’s easy to feel stuck in a cycle of proving yourself, avoiding confrontation, or managing everyone’s emotions but your own.
This can be especially difficult if you’re someone who masks well, blends in, or avoids conflict to stay safe — something common in diverse, neurodivergent, or marginalised groups.
Self-care here might look like
protecting your energy.
Saying no without apologising.
Taking breaks, even when your brain says you haven’t “earned” them.
Or simply recognising when something isn’t sustainable — and giving yourself permission to name that.
You are allowed to have limits. You’re allowed to be uncomfortable. And you’re allowed to want something more.
Wishing you good mental health in the meantime